Confronting myself

I have a confession to make. I am not proud of what I am about to admit, but, especially in light of my last post, I think I should admit it. Maybe it will hurt my credibility, but in the end I hope it actually helps it.

I was in London the summer of 2006. I was probably even more of a typical American tourist than I'd like to imagine. My friend and I were on one of those bus tours when we hit terrible traffic and were forced off the bus. There was apparently "some protest" going on, which was clogging the streets. Frustrated and probably still cranky from jet-lag (and the culture shock that happens, even in a Texas to London transition, as a silly 21-yr old girl who has never really been anywhere), we started to wander the streets. That's when we crossed paths with the protest. It was quite a sight to behold: people yelling, signs supporting Hezbollah.

"So...what's this all about?" my friend asked me.

And that's when I responded with, quite literally, every single little bit of knowledge I had on the matter: "Oh, Hezbollah is a terrorist group at war with Israel. They're supporting terrorists, isn't that nice?" And off we went, after snapping a few pictures, probably to find some chips or pints.

I did not know a lick of information about why these protesters were angry, what they knew, what their family and friends knew or had experienced. I did not even know what the war was about. And I judged the shit out them. Because I knew all I needed to know: Hezbollah = terrorist.

Now, I like to think I have grown up a little bit since then, and will at least make an attempt to learn about a situation before I get some opinion going about it. But I have to say, when you confront your own biases and your own mental shortcuts and your own cultural upbringing, and you start to see how they have failed....well, not only yourself but the rest of the world, in a way...it's hard to commit yourself again.

And then when you do...

I recently took a trip to Spain with my wonderful friend Sadie, during which I brought up the Facebook responses I got after posting the Palestinian death toll during the war. Sadie, who is Jewish, helped me understand something that I had not previously understood to the extent I should have: the way I went about conveying the message I wanted to convey was divisive. Although in my own head I wanted to address and bring attention to the human catastrophe happening, with some topics, especially ones as inherently sensitive as Israel/Palestine, the way you deliver a message can be just as important as what you say. Do I regret posting the death toll? I don't regret my thoughts on the matter, and I still hope that I opened up some eyes or at least made people think a little bit more about the situation. I do wish that I had found a less divisive way to do so, or at least fully recognized at the time how divisive the message was. In the end, after all, what I hope for is peace rather than division.

So in what may come as shocking news to some of my Facebook friends, it turns out that I support (....or at least don't NOT support) the decision of the U.S., Israel, and other countries to pull out of the Durban II conference due to its perceived Anti-Semitism. Sure, let's tackle discrimination. Let's tackle whatever you would call the way Israel treats Palestinians. But it shouldn't be done with finger-pointing and pretextual conferences. And Israel does deserve some recognition of its security concerns. This conference promises to fan the flames, and that is not something I think is necessary. To put it lightly.

Anyway. I am headed to Paris again this weekend (oh, how I love that city!), because the Paris Half-Marathon is Sunday. I will not be running in it after all; I incurred an injury a little over a month ago and have only been able to (gently) resume running this week. But...I had already booked the trip, so it is still a great opportunity to go see the wonderful city and cheer on Sadie.